This is such a powerful exploration of selfhood vs. relational commitment. The idea that therapy has, in some ways, been absorbed into the culture of the ‘consumer self’ is eye-opening. I love the shift toward a ‘relational self’—one that recognizes the deep interconnection between our personal well-being and our commitments to others. How do you think therapists can balance the need for individual empowerment while still fostering a sense of responsibility and connection in their clients? This is a conversation worth having!
Looks like I finally figured out how to sign in! New platforms. New challenges! I found you yesterday on Mothers of Estranged Adult Children on Facebook. There are quite a few similar groups and thousands of us moms and grandparents who are estranged from family members. And prohibited from having a relationship with our grandkids. You are the first person we have all heard of who is addressing this epidemic on a rational and respectful level. So thank you. It’s a heartbreaking and very widespread problem.
The worst part of all of it is the profound disrespect our adult kids have for us. I avoided Instagram for years because my daughter very publicly vilified me there. On a regular basis. It nearly destroyed me. But that all started five years ago and I have done a lot of work— massive introspection and healing.
So much changed so fast and the millennials, which I know you are one of, seem to prefer text over talk, blaming, abuse and punishment over working thru issues. Anyway, social media doesn’t take the place of one on one communication. It’s an easy mask to hide behind. And yet here I am, reaching out to you on social media…. 🤯
All the moms and grandmas in the Facebook group are older. I am 72. My kids are 39 and 37. Only one is estranged. From all the rest of us. Most of these women, and the few men in them groups don’t do Instagram. It’s just Facebook for most of us. People yesterday were taking screen shots of your instagram posts so everyone could read them. I did that.
Have you considered starting a Facebook group of your own? It would be flooded with estranged parents. Trust me.
Thank you for your awareness, your commitment, your wisdom and your communication skills. Please know we need your voice, and we need it now!!!!
Well, it's a language problem, isn't it? Which "self" does Ms. K choose, the true or the false one? I bet I know. And I'll bet she is clueless. Because most of the social fabric of this time is clueless that we always have a choice as to which self we choose. Pursuing the true self (https://cac.org/daily-meditations/false-self-true-self-part-1-2015-08-18/) involves a good deal of confronting that pesky concept of letting go of the false self, or self-sacrifice, which none of us understand until we've connected with the Divine, however you choose to name it. Carl Jung understood this and was courageous enough to talk about it without naming it. Recovery programs do the same, at least the ones that acknowledge, "There is a God and you aren't it." When most people talk about self-love, they're talking about self-indulgence, which has nothing whatsoever to do with self-love. If you want to read a hymn about really loving your true self, read Psalm 139. We are loved by our Creator because we exist. What a concept!
Our estranged daughter for almost 12 years does choose herself. Even as a parent you have to earn respect from her . Sorry I can’t jump as high as she’d like me too. She’s a therapist and maybe with strangers but has no compassion or love for her whole family.
I believe most of us do parenting the best we can with only have our own parents as models, and with that often don’t see the reality (much good) of our family growing up, until we are older. I (willingly!) cared for both parents before their death. My siblings also did all they could. We lived and respected the sacrifices our parents made to stay married amidst many trials, and giving us each other. Family most important!
This is such a powerful exploration of selfhood vs. relational commitment. The idea that therapy has, in some ways, been absorbed into the culture of the ‘consumer self’ is eye-opening. I love the shift toward a ‘relational self’—one that recognizes the deep interconnection between our personal well-being and our commitments to others. How do you think therapists can balance the need for individual empowerment while still fostering a sense of responsibility and connection in their clients? This is a conversation worth having!
Hi Rachel,
Looks like I finally figured out how to sign in! New platforms. New challenges! I found you yesterday on Mothers of Estranged Adult Children on Facebook. There are quite a few similar groups and thousands of us moms and grandparents who are estranged from family members. And prohibited from having a relationship with our grandkids. You are the first person we have all heard of who is addressing this epidemic on a rational and respectful level. So thank you. It’s a heartbreaking and very widespread problem.
The worst part of all of it is the profound disrespect our adult kids have for us. I avoided Instagram for years because my daughter very publicly vilified me there. On a regular basis. It nearly destroyed me. But that all started five years ago and I have done a lot of work— massive introspection and healing.
So much changed so fast and the millennials, which I know you are one of, seem to prefer text over talk, blaming, abuse and punishment over working thru issues. Anyway, social media doesn’t take the place of one on one communication. It’s an easy mask to hide behind. And yet here I am, reaching out to you on social media…. 🤯
All the moms and grandmas in the Facebook group are older. I am 72. My kids are 39 and 37. Only one is estranged. From all the rest of us. Most of these women, and the few men in them groups don’t do Instagram. It’s just Facebook for most of us. People yesterday were taking screen shots of your instagram posts so everyone could read them. I did that.
Have you considered starting a Facebook group of your own? It would be flooded with estranged parents. Trust me.
Thank you for your awareness, your commitment, your wisdom and your communication skills. Please know we need your voice, and we need it now!!!!
Ann
Well, it's a language problem, isn't it? Which "self" does Ms. K choose, the true or the false one? I bet I know. And I'll bet she is clueless. Because most of the social fabric of this time is clueless that we always have a choice as to which self we choose. Pursuing the true self (https://cac.org/daily-meditations/false-self-true-self-part-1-2015-08-18/) involves a good deal of confronting that pesky concept of letting go of the false self, or self-sacrifice, which none of us understand until we've connected with the Divine, however you choose to name it. Carl Jung understood this and was courageous enough to talk about it without naming it. Recovery programs do the same, at least the ones that acknowledge, "There is a God and you aren't it." When most people talk about self-love, they're talking about self-indulgence, which has nothing whatsoever to do with self-love. If you want to read a hymn about really loving your true self, read Psalm 139. We are loved by our Creator because we exist. What a concept!
Our estranged daughter for almost 12 years does choose herself. Even as a parent you have to earn respect from her . Sorry I can’t jump as high as she’d like me too. She’s a therapist and maybe with strangers but has no compassion or love for her whole family.
I believe most of us do parenting the best we can with only have our own parents as models, and with that often don’t see the reality (much good) of our family growing up, until we are older. I (willingly!) cared for both parents before their death. My siblings also did all they could. We lived and respected the sacrifices our parents made to stay married amidst many trials, and giving us each other. Family most important!